Monday 20th November 2017

I was sat watching I’m a Celebrity last night and they were talking about what their fears were. Things like Spiders and Snakes and Heights, etc.

I sat there and thought to myself, what am I afraid of?! Spiders, I don’t really like them but I don’t think I am particularly afraid of them. Snakes, definitely not afraid of snakes. I’ve held snakes lots of times, and even had to deal with dangerous ones when we lived in Cyprus. Heights, again I don’t particularly like heights but I’m not afraid of them.

I used to be afraid of deep water, the thought of not knowing or being able to see what was underneath me scared me. I think that’s one of the reasons I took up scuba diving, that definitely cured me of that fear.

Ghosts, I actually don’t believe in ghosts so definitely not afraid of them. Or Aliens, never met one so nothing to be afraid of for me there.

I’m not afraid of dying, I don’t believe in religion or an afterlife. As far as I’m concerned, once you are gone that’s it!

That did make me realise that there is one thing I am actually afraid of though. The thought of Hales being left on her own when I do go!

I know it’s really selfish of me but the thought of Hales moving on from me and possibly finding love again elsewhere scares the hell out of me. I know that I am more than likely to go before Hales, and deep down I know that I will want her to carry on and be happy. But just the thought of her being with somebody else sends shivers down my spine!

I’ve told myself I’m being stupid and tried to tell myself to get over it, but it is just the way it is and I don’ think I will ever change it. As I’ve already said, I don’t believe in an afterlife so it shouldn’t really matter!

I sometimes wish that I believed there was something more, and after we have left this life we will be together eternally. But that’s not something I believe in.

I just love Hales sooo much. There are just not enough words or phrases out there to fully express how I feel about her. You can replace just about anything on your body nowadays, or lose parts of it and still survive.  But I know for a fact that I could not or even want to survive without Hales!

I’m not planning on going anywhere for a long time yet, so this is just me expressing my thoughts. I’ve got way too much fight left in me to contemplate anything happening for ages yet. You are going to have to put up with me for a lot longer!

I’ve tried to write this blog without it sounding too morbid or anything like that. I just thought I would put down some of my actual thoughts without watering them down at all. I’m a pretty open person, and not afraid to express how I really feel.

Anyway, I think that’s enough for today. Eventually I might get to writing a blog every day, but at the moment it is only when my brain is in the right gear and ready to express itself!

Rob